Not So Grand Cardinals
by Master Summoner Sheena
Summary: Kvar feels he is finally ready to put his plans into action. Or is he? Please r&r!
1. Chapter 1

MSS: My first fanfic!

Lloyd: What took you so long to post it?

MSS: I had to wait three days.

Lloyd: Oh.

MSS: While you're here, will you do the disclaimer?

Lloyd: Master Summoner Sheena does not own Tales of Symphonia, or Kvar's diary.

MSS: Warning, a couple people are gay, okay?

Lloyd: Can we get started already? This is boring.

MSS: Picky, picky.

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Chapter 1: Rumors, Rumors, Rumors

**Monday**

_Pronyma suspects me. If Lord Yggdrasil finds out, there's no way I can get out of this mess. If only that inferior being hadn't stolen that Cruxis Crystal from my Angelus Project! Wait! Maybe if I discredit Pronyma, then not only will no one suspect me, but I could get her position! I have been hearing rumors… I wonder…_

Kvar looked up from his diary and practically ran to the intercom. Speaking into it, he said, "Stanley and Ted, report to my office immediately!"

Kvar started pacing impatiently across the room. The two lieutenants entered breathlessly. That was when Kvar realized his diary was still on his desk. Casually moving toward it he snapped it shut and stuffed it in his desk. While he was looking down, Stanley and Ted raised their eyebrows at each other.

Straightening up, Kvar said, "Please, sit down."

"Look, whatever it is, I didn't do it," said Ted as he sat down, clearly frightened.

"I'm not accusing you of anything," spoke Kvar. His subordinates visibly relaxed. "Now," continued Kvar, "I'm sure you've heard the rumors about Pronyma and a certain Grand Cardinal, correct?"

Both Lieutenants stared at him. Clearly they hadn't expected this. Finally, Ted broke the silence.

"Which one?"

"What?" asked Kvar, caught off guard.

"Well," explained Stanley, who so far hadn't spoken, "There's the rumor about Pronyma and Magnius. But there's a second one about her and Rodyle."

Kvar looked blankly at him. Inwardly, he was in complete shock. The rumors he had heard involved Pronyma and Forcystis. After another couple minutes where he decided what to do, he said, "Ted, I want you to infiltrate Magnius' ranch. I really don't care what you do. Just find out if the rumor is true, okay?"

Ted nodded and left, clearly glad to get out of his leader's presence. Kvar turned to Stanley. "You I want to infiltrate Rodyle's ranch. Confirm the rumor if possible. Oh, and while you're there, check on the Mana Canon's progress. I think Rodyle is hiding something from me. Report back as soon as possible."

Stanley saluted and left. Kvar settled on a chair to daydream about the look on Pronyma's face when he presented his case.

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MSS: I know, this chapter is bad. So I'm putting up the next one, which is much better.

Lloyd: Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

MSS: Like I said, I'm putting up the next chapter.

Colette: Master Summoner Sheena does not own Tales of Symphonia, or Magnius' book of love notes.

MSS: Sigh, that would be great for blackmail.

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Chapter 2: Magnius' Bad Day

Sweat drops poured down Ted's face as he feverishly dug through Magnius' desk. _Find something, grab it, and leave_ he thought. As you've probably guessed, he hated spy missions.

His hand fell upon a book. Opening it, he saw it was full of love notes. Without bothering to read any, he shut it, and was about to shut the drawer when something caught his eye. It was a photo album. Snatching it, he ran to the warp and warped to lower area, shoving out of the way an evil sorcerer as he made his mad dash to the warp which leads to the exit.

He forgot to shut the drawer.

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Ben was your average evil sorcerer. When the Desian emerged from the warp leading to Magnius' office and shoved past him, he was immediately suspicious. Ordinary people like him weren't allowed in there without Magnius' permission.

Ignoring the rules, he went into Magnius' office. When he saw the open desk drawer he walked over, and saw it had been dug through. His first thought was that man who ran by was a Renegade. His second thought was he should get out of there before Magnius returned and thought he was the one who did it.

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Magnius was in a bad mood. It had all started when he got his hair cut. It had been getting a little bit too long. But the Desian who was his hair dresser cut it unevenly. He fired him and got a replacement, who fixed his hair so it looked like it always did. Then, on the way back to his office, a guard on break accidentally spilled coffee on his shirt. Angrily he removed the unfortunate guard's breaks. Acting tough, but crying on the inside over the loss of his special shirt, he stomped into his office.

Upon seeing an evil sorcerer going through his desk, his fragile temper snapped. The evil sorcerer looked up. His face practically screamed guilty. Ben backed away slowly. Magnius looked into his drawer. As soon as he realized what was missing, he let out a roar of rage.

"It wasn't me!" Ben squeaked, "I came in here and it was like this! I think it was the Rene…"

Ben never got to finish his sentence. With one sweep of Magnius' battle-ax (at least, that's what it looks like), Magnius killed him.

Two seconds later Magnius realized he should have at least found out where the evil sorcerer had hidden his love notes and photo album. Realizing he might never see either of them again, he broke down on the floor and cried.

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The next day Ted burst into Kvar's office, drenched in sweat.

"I trust you were successful?" inquired Kvar eagerly, an evil grin on his face.

Ted silently handed over the photo album and book of love notes. Kvar opened the book of love notes and scanned through the first page. As he reached the bottom, his eyes widened in shock.

"These notes are from… Rodyle?" Kvar said, nearly having a heart attack.

Kvar quickly opened the photo album and flipped through a few pages, disgust appearing on his face. He turned to Ted and said, "There are some things in life you never want to see. Rodyle in tights is one of them."

And with that Kvar ran to the bathroom to throw up.

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MSS: Sorry all my chapters are kind of short. So, I'll make up for it with a quick update!

Colette: Please review. By the way, we have a sort of contest going.

MSS: Send in ideas for the story, and I'll put the best ones in! Actually, it's mainly because I ran out of ideas after chapter four. Except for one towards the end. And if anyone has any tips, I'd be very grateful!


	3. Chapter 3

MSS: Yay! Three reviews! (Starts dancing)

Lloyd: She's been like this ALL afternoon.

MSS: Three reviews! Okay, um it's Genis' turn to do the disclaimer.

Colette: I'll get him!

MSS: Thanks. Anyway, special thanks to **RoyalFanatic**, **Lyra the Sorceress of Scholars, **and **catwarrior** for reviewing!

Genis: Master Summoner Sheena does not own tales of Symphonia, or the Mana Canon, etc.

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Chapter 3: Top of the List

Even though Lord Kvar only gave out spy missions to his most trusted subordinates, it didn't mean Stanley was happy to be chosen. A major reason is he is afraid of water. So the fact Rodyle's ranch is underwater didn't really help.

After he had printed a copy of the Mana Canon update, Stanley had been going to find a place where he could safely take a nap when Kvar had contacted him.

"Stanley. Forget about Pronyma. Get all the information you can on a relationship between Magnius and Rodyle. It may be useful," ordered Kvar.

"Understood. I'll do my best sir," replied Stanley. What he didn't say was he felt Kvar was losing it.

The next five hours were boring. All Rodyle did was mumble half-formed plans about what he would do once the Mana Canon was complete.

Suddenly, Magnius warped in, tear stricken.

"Rodyle!" he wailed, "Your notes and pictures! They're gone! Forever! Waaaahhh!"

"Calm down and tell me what happened," said Rodyle, gently rocking Magnius back and forth in his arms.

"Sniff. It all started when my hairdresser ruined my hair. Then a guard spilled coffee all over the shirt you got me, ruining it." Here Magnius held up a shirt with a huge coffee stain on it. "I returned to my office to find an evil sorcerer in my desk. He took it all! Every last note, poem, picture, everything! I don't know where he hid them, because I killed him before he could tell me," wailed Magnius between sobs.

"Don't worry," soothed Rodyle, "I made a copy of every single love letter I ever sent you. I'll personally print them for you."

"Really?" asked Magnius, his eyes, red from crying, glimmering with hope.

"Of course. Would I lie to you? Wait in my room. I'll join you as soon as possible," promised Rodyle.

As soon as Magnius left the room, Rodyle started typing love notes as fast as he could.

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Stanley had got it all on tape. Including what happened after Rodyle joined Magnius. Sneaking out of the ranch, he suddenly thought, _Why am I in such a hurry to get back? As soon as I arrive, I'll be sent off on another pointless mission. Hmm, I have been in the mood for a vacation for a while…_

Stanley decided to stop by Luin on the way back. However, the more he thought, the less he wanted to go back to the Asgard Ranch at all. Stopping at a House of Salvation for the night, his last thoughts before falling asleep were, _I wonder if I could get transferred to Forcystis' ranch. At this point, he's the last sane Grand Cardinal._

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Two weeks later, Kvar was ready to kill Stanley next time he saw him. Two weeks ago, Stanley had reported he was on his way back. Two weeks ago, Kvar had been unable to sleep because of anticipation. Two weeks ago, Stanley had destroyed or turned off his radio.

Sure, Kvar had sent out search parties. There was no trace of Stanley. Ted, thinking he might get a promotion, said, "Don't worry about Stanley. I'm sure that whatever he got, my information is better."

Frustrated, both from lack of sleep and annoyance at Ted, Kvar's temper snapped, "Unlike you, Stanley has proved to be dependable and trustworthy again and again. So I gave him a second mission, one that I only trusted him with. You clearly do not have the mental capacity to take on such things. I see now it was a mistake to send you on such a crucial mission."

All Ted's hopes and dreams from the past 30 years were shattered in about one minute. Hoping to salvage something, Ted quickly replied, "Uh, I mean, I'm sure he'll arrive soon."

The words had barely left his mouth when Stanley sauntered in. Two weeks of freedom had clearly gotten to his head. He felt the happiest he'd ever felt in his whole 462 years of life. Actually, he now no longer even wanted to be a Desian. He had heard Asgard was a nice city, and apparently had some awesome ruins. Of course, he'd have to change his name so the Desians wouldn't find him. Also…

"Well?" demanded Kvar. Looking at how stressed out Kvar looked, Stanley felt he too could use a vacation.

"Hello, I've brought your proof!" said Stanley cheerfully. Seeing the looks the two Desians were giving him, he said, "What?"

"Do you have a… tan?" asked Ted. Glancing at him, Stanley wondered how he had never before noticed how sickly Ted looked. _Nothing a day on the beach couldn't cure_, he thought.

"Of course. Does it matter?" Stanley decided to say.

"So you mean all this time, while I've been worrying about you getting eaten by monsters, you've been ON VACATION!" demanded Kvar.

Stanley knew he would have to be really careful if he was to avoid getting killed, or worse. However, Kvar didn't know about his secret weapon. Carefully he answered Kvar, "Yes. I needed one. And you're not going to say anything about it." He held up Kvar's diary. "Look what I found. And there's enough information in here to incriminate you for the rest of your life."

Kvar was speechless. However, he recovered quickly. "All right, what did you get?"

"I have here a tape of what Rodyle and Kvar were doing when they thought nobody could see them," announced Stanley.

"Good, good!" exclaimed Kvar, the happiest he'd ever been his entire life (pretty sad, huh?).

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As he watched the tape with Stanley and Ted, Kvar's smirk rapidly turned to a disgusted frown, and then he started looking like he would throw up.

It all started innocently enough. Magnius was sitting in a chair, holding a camera. At a signal the tape didn't catch, he pressed play on the cd player next to him. Classical music started playing. Then they saw Rodyle. He was wearing a tutu and doing ballet.

"Now I get why he was wearing tights," whispered Ted.

Probably the scariest part was Rodyle was actually a good dancer. Though the three didn't know it, as a side profession he was a dance teacher. Go figure. When Rodyle finished dancing was when all three started feeling sick.

"How did you stand it?" asked Ted, looking like he would throw up any moment.

"Um, I didn't watch it," confessed Stanley, who wasn't feeling too good himself. "I felt tired, so pressed record and then took a nap. When I woke up, they were gone."

"Remember what I said, that there are some things in life you never want to see?" said Kvar, who felt even worse than the two combined, "This is at the top of the list."

And with that, all three simultaneously ran to the bathroom. The problem is, Kvar has only one in his office. All three collided in the doorway. With that, Kvar lost it. Unfortunately for Ted and Stanley, the smell caused them to lose it too. Too bad.

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MSS: If that chapter was too gross, let me know and I'll revise it.

Lloyd: Rodyle teaches dance?

MSS: I know. I feel so sorry for those kids. Even Zelos would be a better teacher.

Zelos: Hey, thanks!

Presea: That's not a compliment.

MSS: You guys finally arrived!

Sheena: Yeah. Anyways, please review!


	4. Chapter 4

MSS: Sorry about last chapter. I will revise it, just every time I look at it I get writers block. Thanks to **RoyalFanatic**, **Meowzy-chan**, **Lyra the Sorceress of Scholars**, and **Shoebox Dragon** for reviewing. Anyways, I successfully baked chocolate chip cookies! It's my first time correctly making them!

Genis: You don't even want to know what happened last time.

MSS: It's not my fault I didn't know how much doe to put on…

Lloyd: These cookies are really good!

MSS: Hey! No one touches my cookies without my permission.

Master Summoner Sheena received the title of **"Possessive Chef"** A title for one who refuses to let anyone eat what she's cooked.

Genis: You'd better run Lloyd.

MSS: Get back here! (chases Lloyd)

Genis: Master Summoner Sheena does not own Tales of Symphonia.

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Chapter 4: An Unwanted Change

For the next couple of days, Kvar, Ted, and Stanley each locked themselves in their rooms to recover. Also, Kvar had ordered that they not be bothered under pain of death. Ted and Stanley weren't complaining. Neither wanted to do anything after the horrible scene they had witnessed.

Problem is, what Kvar did was kind of stupid. First of all, he left no one in charge, so nothing got done. All of the Desians were using the time to laze off. Second, the Renegades heard about the ranch's current vulnerability. Using this to their advantage, they raided it and stole several exspheres. The captives, seeing the Desians weren't about to stop them, staged a revolt. About half of them escaped to Luin and Hima.

Kvar, of course, had no idea what was going on. Every time someone attempted to tell him about all the problems appearing, he would open the door and cast lightening on them. Except his aim was a little off due to the fact he wasn't fully recovered…

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Five days later, Kvar felt well enough to resume his duties as one of the Grand Cardinals. He was furious at the fact the ranch had practically been destroyed while he was sick. The next week was spent attempting to fix everything.

Finally having some spare time, Kvar again began to plot Pronyma's downfall. _Before I present my evidence to Pronyma_, he thought, _I should speak with Ted and Stanley. Besides, they can be witnesses_.

Kvar summoned a random Desian and ordered him to get Ted and Stanley. Pretty soon the random Desian returned… alone.

"Um, Lord Kvar sir, I'm really sorry sir, but they won't come, sir," said the random Desian, panicking.

"WHAT!" demanded Kvar. After the stressful past few days he was not in the mood to be ignored.

"I'm so sorry sir. They, um, seem to be unable to leave their rooms," explained the random Desian, glancing towards the door.

"Get out of my way!" yelled Kvar. He exited, slamming the door shut behind him. The random Desian waited a couple seconds before leaving to find someplace he could hide, just in case Kvar came back and wanted to use him as a scapegoat.

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"Ted! Get out here!" screamed Kvar. Ted, knowing Kvar never screamed, felt it would be a good idea to find out what Kvar wanted before Kvar attacked him.

"You called?" asked Ted, nervously coming out of his room.

"Where is Stanley?" demanded Kvar, calming down a little now that someone was listening to him.

"Um, he stopped by my room earlier to tell me he was leaving for counseling and would be back later," answered Ted, hoping that was all Kvar wanted.

Just as Kvar was about to demand where Stanley had gone, a familiar voice sounded from behind them, "Miss me?"

"There you are! Both of you come to my office. There is something I'd like to discuss with you," ordered Kvar. Both lieutenants followed him silently, trying not to attract any more attention than was necessary.

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"All right. I think it's time we present our case to Lord Yggdrasil. We have enough evidence," said Kvar, not noticing the look which passed between Ted and Stanley.

"We?" asked Ted, "I thought you were the one trying to discredit Pronyma."

"Yes. However, I want you two to be witnesses, just in case. I want to be prepared for anything," Kvar said this as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, and he was the teacher trying to explain it to two hopeless students.

"I see one problem," pointed out Stanley, "Other than the fact you really don't have any evidence, exactly how is this supposed to discredit Pronyma?"

Kvar looked at his subordinates with a superior look on his face. "I would think that would be obvious. It's part of Pronyma's job to notice things like this. She doesn't know, otherwise my spy would have told me. If she isn't doing her job, Lord Yggdrasil would have to demote her. Which means one of the other Grand Cardinals would have to be promoted. Now, who do you think that will be?"

"Forcystus?" guessed Ted. Out of all the Grand Cardinals, Forcystus was the one Ted looked up to and admired.

"What did you just say!" demanded Kvar.

"Um, I mean, you of course," amended Ted quickly.

"Good," said Kvar. "Now, we must get going. Stanley, get the tape. Ted, the photo album and love notes. We have to hurry before Pronyma realizes what's going on."

They left for Derris Kharlan. Strangely, Ted somehow forgot the love notes and photo album. Fortunately, Stanley remembered the tape.

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Stanley was awkwardly standing in the back of one of Yggdrasil's many rooms in his castle. Ted was to his left. To his right stood Kratos, who didn't look very happy about the fact Kvar was there. Next to Kratos was Yuan, looking faintly amused.

Sitting on a throne like chair, looking absolutely bored, was none other than Lord Yggdrasil. In front of him was Kvar, going on about something. Everyone in the room except Kvar had lost the thread of the conversation a long time ago.

"If you can even here my interruption over your ceaseless babble, exactly why have you demanded a hearing with me?" interrupted Yggdrasil.

"But, I just explained it," said Kvar, looking shocked at the fact no one had understood his speech.

"You," said Yggdrasil, pointing at Stanley, "Explain."

"Ummm," Stanley was a little nervous. Even though he was supposed to be a witness, he hadn't actually expected to talk. "Lord Kvar discovered that Pronyma hasn't been doing her job, and that Magnius and Rodyle have been very close. REALLY close."

"What?" said Yggdrasil, looking surprised.

"Exactly," said Kvar, jumping back into the conversation, "Which is why I thought it best to tell you as soon as I recovered."

"That reminds me, why are your eyes closed?" questioned Yggdrasil as he raised an eyebrow at Kvar.

"Uh, that's a long and very boring story which you wouldn't want to hear. Trust me," Kvar spoke quickly. To Yggdrasil, too quickly.

"No, I want to hear it," Yggdrasil had a feeling that either Kvar was hiding something, or the story was extremely embarrassing. Either way, he wanted to hear it.

"It's nothing, I was just partially blinded when viewing the, ah, evidence," said Kvar, turning bright red. Kratos and Yuan smirked. "Also, um, my eyes sort of changed color…" Kvar trailed off. By now, Kratos and Yuan were stifling laughs, and even Yggdrasil was trying hard not to smirk. Ted managed to control himself. Stanley, however, completely lost it. Seeing Stanley laughing his head off, Kratos and Yuan were no longer able to contain their laughter. Pretty soon everyone but Kvar was laughing.

After about five minutes everyone was back in control. Though he tried not to show it, Kvar was miffed. _Let's see Stanley laugh after I hit him with lightening…_

Completely catching everyone off guard, Kvar yelled, "Lightening!" Just one problem. His aim was still off. So he didn't hit Stanley. He came close though. Just a little bit closer and Stanley would have been history.

Seeing Yggdrasil giving him a look, Kvar quickly apologized, "Sorry. Didn't see you." That set everyone off again. Kvar was inwardly seething. _Why won't they shut up? It's not funny!_

"All right, all right," said Yggdrasil, restoring order. "Present your evidence so I can get out of here. There are other things I could be doing."

"The tape," ordered Kvar.

"Um, I think we have a problem," said Stanley, looking nervous.

"Tell me later. Now bring me the tape!" demanded Kvar, still angry from being mocked.

Stanley walked up to Kvar and handed him the tape. Kvar triumphantly held it up as he said, "This tape holds evidence about what Kvar and Rodyle do when no one is watching."

"…It's broken," said Yggdrasil.

"Looks like he just screwed himself," whispered Ted.

"It's the eyes. He's now half-blind, remember?" whispered Stanley back. Kratos and Yuan were smirking again. They were enjoying watching Kvar be humiliated.

"Is that all? Then if you would excuse me…" Yggdrasil started to leave.

"Wait!" said Kvar, getting desperate, "I have more! I have a book of love notes, and a photo album!"

Yggdrasil turned back to Kvar, "Fine. But make it quick. I have to decide which angel is to appear to the Chosen and give clues which are had to understand and even harder to follow about where the seals are. I only have a month to decide, you know."

"Okay. I'll make it quick," promised Kvar, "Ted! The books!"

"You know, that's a funny thing for you to ask. I kinda, um, lost them?" said Ted in a small voice.

Yuan decided to intercede, before Kvar killed Ted, "Why don't you send someone to get Rodyle and Magnius? I'm sure it would be much quicker and more effective than wasting all day looking for a book of pictures."

"Yes, good idea. Yuan, Kratos, and I will go. Kvar, I want you to find Pronyma. Bring her here and wait for me," ordered Yggdrasil. "Remial!"

A blonde angel dressed in green entered. "Yes?" he asked.

Yggdrasil brought him aside. "I want you to stay here and make sure Kvar does not kill these two. They show promise to becoming new Grand Cardinals."

Remial nodded. "I shall do as you order me to," he said formally.

"Good," said Yggdrasil, "I'm sure you've heard about me needing an angel to appear before the Chosen. Do well and you may find yourself selected." Yggdrasil turned away. "Let's go."

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MSS: Guess what? Raine taught me Photon and Ray! Now no one can steal my cookies!

Lloyd: (returning) Can I have another?

MSS: Say please.

Lloyd: Please. (takes cookie) Um, Master Summoner Sheena?

MSS: Yeah?

Lloyd: Zelos just took a cookie.

MSS: Hey! Ray!

Zelos: Uh-oh. (runs away)

MSS: Get back here! (chases Zelos)

Lloyd: Hehe, more for me! Please review while I eat Master Summoner Sheena's cookies!


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